Loretta Hobbit, or why I'd sooner slice off my dick than sit through another Peter Jackson farrago
Various discussions between my children about the exciting prospect of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (aka The Incredibly Extended Hobbit: The Cupidity of Peter Jackson). If you detect a certain underwhelmedness in this writer, you;re not wrong. I decided I couldn't be bothered with the first Hobbit film when I realised that Jackson had taken a book which is roughly the same length (at most) as one volume of LOTR, and had stretched it out into a film trilogy. Remembering the perversions he visited upon LOTR (complete inversion of Faramir's character, presence of Frodo and Sam at the battle of Helm's Deep....) in order to pad it out and "make it more interesting", as though Tolkien needed improvement, I decided that there would be about 20% of The Hobbit and around 280% of Peter Jackass in the new films.
Well, it seems I have been proved right in a spectacular way, with the presence in the new film not only of Legolas but of a Legolas love interest and a Legolas love triangle sub-plot. According to that link, Jackson argues that Legolas is the son of the Elvenking Thranduil, who is in the Hobbit novel, and since elves are immortal, it stands to reason that he would have been around when Bilbo and the dwarves went tramping through the wood-elves’ territory. (Really? What if he hadn't yet been born then? Being immortal doesn't mean that you have existed forever.)
If Jackass is bringing armfuls of characters into Hobbit 2 who have no business there, who can we expect to make guest appearances in Hobbit 3 (This Is Getting To Be A Hobbit)? The Pevensey children? Mary Poppins? Robbie The Robot? Voldemort? Indiana Jones? Bruce Willis as John McClane? And what will he do for an encore? Produce a twelve-part epic interpretation of the Sellamillion?
It seems a lot of people feel that the first Hobbit film was a disappointment. For example, there's this fine video: why not watch it a hundred times or so? It will take about as long as watching the three Hobbit films, and will be far more entertaining even on the hundredth viewing.