Eine Kleine Nichtmusik

Witty and pertinent observations on matters of great significance OR Incoherent jottings on total irrelevancies OR Something else altogether OR All of the above

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Loretta Hobbit, or why I'd sooner slice off my dick than sit through another Peter Jackson farrago

Various discussions between my children about the exciting prospect of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (aka The Incredibly Extended Hobbit: The Cupidity of Peter Jackson). If you detect a certain underwhelmedness in this writer, you;re not wrong. I decided I couldn't be bothered with the first Hobbit film when I realised that Jackson had taken a book which is roughly the same length (at most) as one volume of LOTR, and had stretched it out into a film trilogy. Remembering the perversions he visited upon LOTR (complete inversion of Faramir's character, presence of Frodo and Sam at the battle of Helm's Deep....) in order to pad it out and "make it more interesting", as though Tolkien needed improvement, I decided that there would be about 20% of The Hobbit and around 280% of Peter Jackass in the new films.

Well, it seems I have been proved right in a spectacular way, with the presence in the new film not only of Legolas but of a Legolas love interest and a Legolas love triangle sub-plot. According to that link, Jackson argues that Legolas is the son of the Elvenking Thranduil, who is in the Hobbit novel, and since elves are immortal, it stands to reason that he would have been around when Bilbo and the dwarves went tramping through the wood-elves’ territory. (Really? What if he hadn't yet been born then? Being immortal doesn't mean that you have existed forever.)

If Jackass is bringing armfuls of characters into Hobbit 2 who have no business there, who can we expect to make guest appearances in Hobbit 3 (This Is Getting To Be A Hobbit)? The Pevensey children? Mary Poppins? Robbie The Robot? Voldemort? Indiana Jones? Bruce Willis as John McClane? And what will he do for an encore? Produce a twelve-part epic interpretation of the Sellamillion?

It seems a lot of people feel that the first Hobbit film was a disappointment. For example, there's this fine video: why not watch it a hundred times or so? It will take about as long as watching the three Hobbit films, and will be far more entertaining even on the hundredth viewing.

13 Comments:

At 13 December, 2013 11:21, Blogger Pete Duxon said...

having never seen the hobbit....

I sort of disagree with you over LoTR.

I tend to take the view that the Silmarillion is the core story and that the Lord of the Rings is a novelisation of that story. So you could argue that Jackon's is just another fictionalisation of the core story in the Simarillion and Brian Froud's radio adaptation is another of them.

I am rereading LoTR at the mo.

 
At 15 December, 2013 23:35, Blogger Rob said...

Hi Pete

I must confess that I gave up reading the Silmarillion part way through. While very informative about back story and mythology (and of course the languages of Middle Earth) I found it worthy rather than actually interesting. But your comment makes sense, I guess: if one treats the Silmarillion as the primary saga and all the rest as spin-offs already then I suppose whether a film version is close to the book becomes less relevant. I suppose then you'd have to judge the films on how well they expressed the underlying saga, which I'm not in a position to do. Thanks for the suggestion anyway.

 
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