Eine Kleine Nichtmusik

Witty and pertinent observations on matters of great significance OR Incoherent jottings on total irrelevancies OR Something else altogether OR All of the above

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Would you Adam and Eve it?

With increasing urban noise pollution (traffic, aircraft, radios, telephones...) it's harder to hear church bells these days. For most of us that's a cause for slight sadness at worst, but for folk from the East End of London it is potentially disastrous. To be classed as a genuine Cockney you have to be "born within the sound of Bow Bells", that is to say within earshot of the chimes of St Mary-le-Bow. They used to be audible over much of East London, up North at least as far as Archway (where Dick Whittington heard them and turned again) and over the river as far as Southwark. Now, though, increased background noise means they are only usually audible in the City of London and Shoreditch. Which would be bad enough in itself. What makes it potentially catastrophic is that there is no hospital with a maternity ward within the new "footprint", and very few houses in which new Cockneys might have home births. Is there perhaps a gap in the market? Some enterprising obstetrician could purchase one of those big articulated medical trucks like the ones they use for mobile blood donation units, staff and equip it as a labour ward, park it within the Cockney Zone, and let people book themselves in to give birth. Even better in terms of predictability and reduced risk would be for people wanting to produce Cockney offspring to book in for elective Caesareans. That way you could control the birth times to maximise use of the vehicle too. Now all I need is a really good name for the enterprise. Peep-Bow? Bear With Me? There must be better ones I haven't thought of.


At 28 June, 2012 12:29, Blogger Persephone said...

How about "Knees Up Mother Brown"?

At 29 June, 2012 20:00, Blogger Rob said...



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