Eine Kleine Nichtmusik

Witty and pertinent observations on matters of great significance OR Incoherent jottings on total irrelevancies OR Something else altogether OR All of the above

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The English Reformation for Dummies

One of my wife's students remarked on Facebook to the effect that studying the English Reformation was making her brain hurt. Never one to desert a damsel in distress (especially not a damsel whose profile picture shows her in a skimpy top and a policeman's helmet) , I proferred the suggestion below, which seems to have acquired a small fan base among her fellow students. If it's good enough for them it's good enough for you.

The English Reformation For Dummies
  1. Dear Pope, please can I have an annulment of my marriage to Kath coz she's boring and hasn't produced me a prince? Luv Hal
  2. Dear Henry, f*** off. Luv, Signor Papa
  3. Dear Pope, Okely-dokely, here's how it's gonna be: I'm starting my own church, and it's going to be a Protestant one like Martin Luther's, ...only in English. Get that, Luigi? ENG-ER-LISH! Then I can get me a D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Oh, and in case any priestly types get in the way, I'm making myself head of this church so I can fire them. Not you - me. ME. Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!
  4. King to lackies: now I’m head of the proper Church of Me, any Catholic who bears allegiance to the Pope is highly suspicious and we should probably be arresting them all on suspicion of belonging to al-Vaticana . But hey, live and let live, but let live without all the huge fortunes they've built up. Of you go and dispossess all those rich bastard abbots: squeeze them till the Popes squeak. Hahaha! Geddit?
  5. But sire.....(sound of axe)
  6. The King is dead!
  7. It's OK son. we'll look after the kingdom for you, Just sign here. Right - Catholic churches made illegal and Queen Mary cut out of the succession. Go CofE!
  8. Cough....cough....coughcoughcough...silence.
  9. Hail Queen Mary!
  10. Bugger.
  11. Crackcracklecrackle. OWWWWW!
  12. Nobody here but us loyal Catholics, Your Majesty.
  13. Congratulations, Your Majesty, they've named a cocktail after you.
  14. The Queen is dead!
  15. Nobody here but us loyal Anglicans, Your Majesty.
  16. Damned right I'm the head of the church. And the look and feel I want for it is sort of Catholic-Lite, capisce?
  17. (MUCH later) I'm so fed up I could just die.
  18. Your Majesty? Your Majesty?
  19. Beam yersel doon, Scottie.

4 Comments:

At 19 May, 2009 21:18, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

OH, thanks for the easy to understand version.

 
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