Eine Kleine Nichtmusik

Witty and pertinent observations on matters of great significance OR Incoherent jottings on total irrelevancies OR Something else altogether OR All of the above

Monday, October 29, 2007

Buying the chainsaw from Acme was probably a mistake

You've Been Framed (German equivalent: Bitte Lächeln) is a British TV show where viewers send in video clips of people making *****s of themselves by doing stupid (and unintentional) things on camera. And if anyone around me had had a video camera yesterday you'd be seeing me on it.

In our garden there stands (or stood) a pine tree. Hilary and I planted it about twenty years ago, since when it has continued to grow until it eventually outgrew the capacity of the soil where we'd planted it, and died. Wishing to cut it down, we acquired a chainsaw (and I bet most stories including that sentence end badly). Actually, the chainsaw part worked fine: a Health & Safety conscious wuss such as I was never likely to amputate bits of myself or anyone else. No, it was the tree which didn't co-operate. I'd removed branches with loppers as for up as I could reach (the tree was about fifteen feet high), and decided to drop the tree (if possible) straight into our yard area, alongside the wall separating it from the street. This nearly worked (to the delight of my watching family) except that the falling tree slightly fouled the wall, whereupon the weight of the still branch-laden top flipped it over that wall into the street. Fortunately nobody was walking by. Fortunately the car parked outside was ours. Fortunately the tree missed it (just barely). Fortunately nobody was videoing proceedings.

I must say that as I watched the tree pivot over the wall my thoughts were like those of Obi-Wan Kenobi as he watches Jango Fett's ship plummet over a precipice and realises he's still attached to it: "Oh, not good".

I'd like to be able to claim that my Jedi reflexes and command of the force are what saved our car, but (continuing with the SF metaphors) I think a Teela Brown gene is closer to the real reason.

The tree is now in many small pieces for our cheminea, and some larger ones for a friend's wood-burning stove. Plus a heap of pine twigs which makes the yard look like a Norse artist's impression of Christ's entry into Jerusalem. Revenge is sweet.


At 29 October, 2007 13:07, Blogger Chip said...

Oh, I wish I had been there! Not that I would have offered any sage advice, but it would have been nice to see the event first hand. Even second hand it brought a smile to my face.

At 29 October, 2007 16:24, Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Any activity that starts with 'we acquired a chainsaw' needs to be filmed.

At 30 October, 2007 00:11, Blogger Nessie said...

ha ha ha ha ha...etc etc. Why, oh why, was I not invited to watch this event? I at least could've predicted how wrong it would all go. Imagine if it had been grumpy sports car man's car....

At 30 October, 2007 01:47, Blogger Rob said...

For the benefit of my other readers, GSCM is one of our neighbours who periodically gives us grief because we sometimes commit the heinous crime of parking in front of our own garage. No, really.

And Vanessa, we didn't invite you because you were at work.


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